A Promise Made In March

 

Why is it not good enough to JUST BE YOURSELF?
"Social attitudes manifest themselves in a very basic way within the school environment,"
said study researcher Ian Rivers, "so if the school really upholds sports, kids who are not good at sport are going to be victimized because they are not living up to the expectations of others." 

***

It was a gray day in Boston. There was a chill that seemed to go straight through to my bones. The steady mist of rain was slowly destroying my knit hat and my bottom lip trembled. I stood with some of my team discussing the next steps of logistics. As I spoke, I sensed someone approaching. I turned to find a father with his daughter. He asked, "Are you in charge?" I explained that I was part of a team running the event and asked him how I could be of help. He put his arm lovingly on his daughters shoulder. "She really wants to meet her," he said. I looked at his daughter. She was probably around 16. She wore a red jacket and glasses. She was clutching something in her hand. She spoke excitedly, "I wrote a letter and I want to give it to her."

I smiled and explained that 'everyone wants to see her' and I 'couldn't promise' but 'could try.' As I went on, her eyes welled up with tears. I immediately leaned in to hug her - feeling badly. "What did I say?" I thought. After the hug, I looked in this young girls eyes and then I understood. She was crying because she wanted so badly to meet the person who wrote the words that made her feel that it was okay to just BE.

It was the lyrics of the song that spoke to her (and the thousands of teens that came through that day). The lyrics that let them know it was okay to BE. That it is okay to BE yourself. That one has the right to simply BE who they are. To just BE.

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Born this Way (Lady Gaga)

As the radio call came with a request for me to run off and help elsewhere, I turned to my partner and said, "Do what you can."  I squeezed this girls hand and told her that she was beautiful and special.

Later, I came back and found my new young friend. "Did you get to see her?" I asked. "Yes!" she exclaimed. She went on to tell me that she gave her letter to a security guard and she hopes that her idol will read it. I assured her that she would. As we spoke, the television crews were interviewing a group of young kids behind us. I turned and grabbed my young friend and introduced her to an available anchorman.

As I watched her answer questions, I realized I was crying. You see, while her father thanked me, what he doesn't know, it was I who should have been saying thank you. In fact, more important to me that day than meeting Oprah, was my interaction with this young girl.

She touched my heart.

She reminded me of how important it is that we, as a society, do what we need to do to protect our youngest citizens. To empower them. To let them know it is okay to be who they are. To not impose on them restrictions and definitions that stop them from reaching their full potential. To break down the walls of fear that result in bullying and intimidation. To break down the walls of prejudice and pride.

She touched my heart.

She reminded me that for us to achieve advancement in this area, that we - as adults - must learn to love ourselves and each other more. That we must work to be a stronger example. That we must set a better model. 

She touched my heart.

This month, I dedicate my work to Samantha and promise to work tirelessly to find ways to empower, encourage and inspire our youth. Will you join me?

Links

Born this Way Foundation

Why Do We . . .?

No man (or woman) is an island - February 2012

No man is an island, entire of itself
every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main . . .

John Donne- 1572

In the last four weeks, for various clients and partners, I have traveled from Tampa to New Orleans to Los Angeles to Boston.  While on the road, I have rubbed elbows with event industry greats such as Andrea Michaels, worked the "green" carpet with Sheila E., and helped launch Lady Gaga's new foundation. Oh . . . and somewhere in between, witnessed the wedding of my 22 year old "godson!"

This past week, as I made my way back to New York City, I thought about the importance of collaborations, connections and supportive colleagues. I thought about each team I worked with on the road and had a fresh appreciation for what it really takes to pull off a fundraising event (and even a wedding). 

There is the old saying that my dad used to quote often. "No man is an island, entire of itself." What I really like is the rest of the quote. . . "every man (or woman) is a piece of the continent (the world), a part of the main (the whole)."

When my travels began, I was at The Special Events awards show in Tampa at the end of January. I sat in my chair, by a supportive colleague, as they announced the category for "Best Non-Profit Event" and highlighted each of the three nominees. Elizabeth Rose Consulting was nominated and I had flown in to accept the award should we be selected. There was a lot of talent represented in the room and I truly felt honored to be one of the companies acknowledged for our work.
 

As I sat there waiting - fidgeting with my program booklet - I thought about how many people were involved in an effort that took us over a year and generated more than $1.5 million in funding. I thought about the countless hours - the endless calls - the conversations - the challenges - the decisions - the paperwork - the stress - the success.

In the end, for us to achieve the fundraising success we had, there were so many who gave . . . There was the client - OctoberWoman Foundation - who had the vision and put in all their time, energy and resources to make the event happen. There was the spokesperson - Brianna Commerford - a young cancer survivor who touched 1,100 lives in one night. 

There was the project partner - OneSource Worldwide  - who worked by our side. There was the show producer - Empire Events - who made it all come together. There was the entertainment coordinator - Danny Bergold - who added excitement through dance and music. There was the auction manager - Grandstand Sports - who enticed folks to shop and give. 

There were the donors, the doctors, the celebrities, the volunteer manager, the countless staffers, the volunteers, the committee members, the decorators, the vendors, the sponsors, the venue and then there was us.

So while I sat there and represented the company who was "named" as the responsible party, we were really just a small part of the whole and I was grateful.

This January - Don't forget the Homeless

41,000 people are in NYC Shelters.

17,000 are children!

It was just a couple of weeks ago, during my morning commute, I watched a stooped over elderly lady layered in a grim assortment of coats balance herself on the moving train. She seemed to have wedged herself between several torn suitcases and a large black garbage bag. Her severely hunched back forcing her to face the floor, she lifted a harmonica to her lips and played a shaky - yet very sweet - rendition of "Silent Night." I had not been in the mood for the holidays and something about that moment melted my heart. As I went into my handbag for a dollar, I heard the sound of a drum.

Past the woman, coming towards me, playing a handheld bongo, was a very young man with unruly hair and a green army coat. He told the strap-hangers that he was just wanting to earn some money for food. As he walked by me, I saw the details of him more clearly - tattered pants and worn shoes - his face - while dirty - showed all the signs of youth. He couldn't have been older than fifteen; a puppy snuggling in his backpack - his faithful travel companion.  My heart skipped a beat.

Neither this elderly woman nor this young boy should be homeless and begging for a meal, yet this is the reality, on any given night in America, anywhere from 700,000 to 2 million citizens (according to estimates of the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty) are homeless.

The holiday season, no doubt, brings out the philanthropic side of so many; as giving increases, families volunteer at local soup kitchens, gently used coats are dropped off at shelters and many feel motivated to 'give back.'

Now the holiday's are over and we are all getting back to our routines. Oh sure, the holiday guilt always pushes us to improve. So here we are - it's January - and we are trying to fulfill our New Year's resolutions; hitting the gym, eating less chocolate, vowing not to swear anymore, being nicer to our spouse and so on. But how many of us are still considering the homeless? How many of us are still considering volunteering at the soup kitchen or finding other ways to make a difference?

THIS JANUARY - DON'T FORGET THE HOMELESS

41,000 people are in NYC Shelters right now!

17,000 are children!

Learn more at Coalition for the Homeless

HOW TO HELP IN NYC!

EAST HARLEM - YORKVILLE COMMON FOOD PANTRY
Without the dedication and tireless enthusiasm of our volunteers, YCP could not provide its services. Volunteers are an integral part of our organization, and their contributions are invaluable and much appreciated.

From helping with food deliveries to helping serve food at one of our meal programs, YCP offers a variety of volunteer opportunities. We also host a variety of group events for schools, companies, religious organizations, etc. In addition to on-site opportunities, there are also a variety of off-site activities.

http://ycp.org/volunteer.html

ALL FIVE BOROUGHS - ONE NIGHT - Hope 2012 - The NYC Street Survey
On January 30, 2012, the NYC Department of Homeless Services will conduct the Homeless Outreach Population Estimate (HOPE). We need thousands of volunteers to canvass parks, subways, and other public spaces to count the number of people living unsheltered in the city. Just one night of your time will help us collect vital information that is used by outreach teams to help homeless people leave the streets for a better life.

https://a071-hope.nyc.gov/hope/welcome.aspx

ALL FIVE BOROUGHS - New York Cares

Keep your resolution to volunteer this year! Sign up for projects in NYC here.
http://www.newyorkcares.org/

It's about humanity . . .

 

Promote - Support - Mentor - Serve - Include - Connect - Heal - Save - House
Feed - Quench - Teach - Hope - Restore - Listen

"Giving is decreasing," my client said nervously. "What are we going to do about fundraising next year?"

The truth is that when we look around the world, our country and even our own city, it is a real "wake-up call" how enormous the disparity between the rich and poor; the fed and hungry*.

*In 2010, 17.2 million households, 14.5 percent of households (approximately one in seven), were food insecure, the highest number ever recorded in the United States (Coleman-Jensen 2011, p. v.)

With unemployment maintaining at a high 9.1%, the crisis in our own country is bringing "need" closer to home every day. It's now your neighbor who has been out of work for a year and has run out of her/his savings. It's your family member - your spouse.

"A recent study from the nonprofit Wider Opportunities for Women finds that 45 percent of all Americans -- men, women and children -- live in households that lack economic security, defined as the ability to pay for basic needs like food, transportation and medical care, while setting aside a modest amount of money for emergency and retirement savings," says the Huffington Post.

So lately it feels like every man/woman is focused on themselves; focusing on saving their jobs, their credit, their reputation. Who has time to help others? Who has the money?

We are in a real dilemma, as our need for community support is increasing, we are still relying on 75% of all individual donations coming from the wealthiest 30%. How can we help move social recovery in the right direction? What is our part in giving to the healing process?

While we may not be able to afford big donations or we may "feel" unable because we are absorbed in our own fight; I would like to make an appeal to you to find a way to contribute. Find a way to give support. Find a way to provide.

The main reason why we should give is simply that we all share the same humanity. We are in this together!

Even though our circumstances are different, we are all created equal. The simple truth is that we are all connected to each and every other person in the world and we have a moral obligation to each other.

So what is the rationale for altruistic acts even when you are struggling? Ultimately we all want to feel good about ourselves and when you do something selfless or even seemingly self-sacrificing it will give you a good feeling.

That’s perfectly rational.

*****
Giving Of Your Time and Resources
Finding ways to give that work for you is easier than ever with many on-line resources. Don't forget that something as simple as helping your neighbor or giving advice on someone's resume can impact their life for the good.

Find ways each day to show Acts of Kindness.


*****
Giving For The Holidays
Double down. Buy products that give a portion of their proceeds to charity.


*****
Giving Money
What type of donor are you? People generally fit into one or more of six main giving segments:

Provided by HopeConsulting

Regain Your Balance, Retain Your Strength

Reading Time - Estimated At Approx One Minute (more if you explore)
Smile Factor - Learning Balance Will Help You Smile More
Biz Take Away - The Importance Of Rest

Ever have a moment in life that when you replay it later, you just cringe? Yet when you are in it - deep in the experience - there is nothing but raw emotion? Those fantastically "slow motion" moments when it is all happening and you just can't stop it?

Oftentimes you even recognize you are in the moment, but it is as if you can't do anything about it. Like you are a spectator. It is like you are stumbling in the dark to find the "pause" button. You are just stuck in "play" or, even worse, "fast forward" mode with no escape.

Well it happened to me. After 16 years in my professional life, it was me standing there stuck in "fast forward" and not having a clue where the "pause" button was. After weeks of going non-stop with work and little rest, I was in a weakened state...so the attack was impactful.

It was like a scene out of a western. There I stood worn out by my journey and there my opponent stood. Tumble weed rolling through and dust clouding our vision. They stood firm in their strong opinion; eyes piercing and challenging. This was not the first time that someone was threatening to pull out their gun of criticism at me. In fact, after years of experience it should be known that I am somewhat of an expert in these matters; often able to defuse the worst of situations.

Not this time. This time, I reached out for my weapon of defense. I pulled it out and aimed. Somewhat dusty, it backfired. Wounded - I dragged myself out of there leaving a trail of regret. As I headed home, nursing my wounded ego, I reflected on the scene. Why had I moved towards the weapon of defense instead of choosing the wisdom many years of experience has taught me?

Then it hit me. A simple concept. . . when we are exhausted, we don't allow ourselves time to process, regenerate or recharge; breaking down our senses and leading us to bad decisions. Weeks of endless work days, no sleep or exercise will, without doubt, weaken the system (at least for most of us) and blur our vision.

The longer we go depriving ourselves of rest, the more we drain ourselves of the energy that makes us tick. Rest is the source of what gives us creativity and keeps us balanced. Without this resource, we make ourselves vulnerable and cut ourselves off from being the best we can be. We become no longer equipped for the daily encounters that come our way and we set ourselves up for injury.

So what do we do when there seems to be no other choice? What do we do when a project demands around the clock work? What do we do when there is "no choice?"

Here are some great resources that help you identify what may cause you to lose it and tips on how to find the balance you need.

JOB BURNOUT; SPOTTING IT AND TAKING ACTION
Get tips from the experts at the Mayo Clinic.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/burnout/WL00062

DELETE IT, DEFER IT OR DELEGATE IT  - JUST GET IF OFF YOUR PLATE
Kent Blumberg talks about Stephen Covey's priorities quadrant from his book; The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
http://kentblumberg.typepad.com/kent_blumberg/2007/08/top-12-ways-to-.html

9 QUICK TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE THE "OVERWHELM"
This is the quick fix on how to manage when you are thick into it.
https://www.authenticpromotion.com/work-life-balance/work-life-balance-manage-overwhelm.html

A long time mentor of mine reminds me that with rest we actually are more effective. While we may think that we need to push ourselves through until we are at our end, the truth is that keeping up with those things that replenish us (exercise, good nutrition, rest, etc.) will actually empower and equip us to better handle our tasks.

After my humbling experience, a true result of exhaustion, I have chosen to move forward and recommit myself to regaining my balance so I can retain my strength. Will you do that with me?

42nd Street Station

The Boy at The Train Station by @jesscscott

Reading Time - Estimated Slightly More Than A Minute

Smile Factor - Let's Take This Seriously And Make A Difference

Biz Take Away -Protecting Our Littlest Citizens

As the train pulled up to the 42^nd street stop, the doors slid open as the muffled announcement overhead seemed to spit out a collection of syllables that sounded like “nex op is. . .” The doors opened and the bodies lining the inside of the train pushed forward in a sort of unified frantic movement.  Meeting with an immediate resistance, the equally frenetic crowd on the platform pushed inward; neither side willing to abandon their position. I held my bag tightly (and my breath), and pushed with all my might. I pushed to break free of the six person deep barrier; keeping my eyes ahead as to not feel suffocated as I often feel in these agonizing metropolitan morning rituals.

Towering above the averaged-size crowd, a tall handsome man with a sculptured face and warm mocca-colored skin made his way towards me; a beautiful interlude.  Successfully, I had moved past the threshold of the subway door, the criss-crossing crowd still pressing on all sides, when another tall man came into my view with dark hair and ivory skin. Another gift of distraction, I thought. The threat of the subway door closing caused the crowd to suddenly peel away, revealing that each man held (tightly) the hand of a small boy; each a smaller version of their much larger guardians. I paused and turned. As they both stepped on the train, the two men with no apparent similarities or awareness of one another were connected by their grasp. Both lending a protective hand; keeping their young safe from harm.

The beautiful picture lingered before me as the train pulled away from the platform. I ponder the importance of a father figure; to have someone to hold your hand (literally and emotionally).

Just recently my work has led me to an increased level of awareness of the long-term impact of fatherlessness in America and its impact on my own life. As I turned and walked out of the subway station I thought of my own childhood; impacted by the instability of spending some of the time with my father and then going through periods without him. While my mom always was there for us, there were many times I needed my dad and his absence did have an impact.

With nearly a third – yes a THIRD – approx. 24 Million children living without a father figure in the U.S., the impact is hard to ignore. Studies have shown that children without a father or a mentor are at an alarming higher risk of major challenges in life. Studies show a high percentage of those incarcerated have no father. Many identified behavioral disorders are connected with fatherlessness, as well as the astonishing dropout rates of fatherless children. The effects of fatherlessness continues to impact many areas, such as poverty, increased aggression, achievement delays and the list goes on. Learn More 

In fact, it is astonishing how many children all over the world don’t have a father to guide them through their formative years.

Why is it we abandon our littlest citizens? Our most vulnerable?

Is it economics? divorce? fear? denial? 

Has it become culturally acceptable?

Does it matter? Is there any excuse that is really good enough?

“Several leading sociologists have labeled father absence ‘the most pressing issue facing America today.’ Alarmed by growing evidence of the importance of fatherhood, President Barack Obama, who was raised by a single mother, has forcefully pleaded with fathers to step up throughout his presidency.” Read full article 

So Obama didn’t have a father figure and so is the case with many successful people, but that does not mean we should continue to ignore our responsibilities. In fact, we need to address full on. Writer Wayne Parker said, “So . . . it seems to be clear and getting clearer that fathers are more important in a child's life than might be thought in many circles.” Let’s not ignore the statistics.

Know a child without a father? 

Be a mentor. Make a difference. 

Watch Video

New York Based Mentoring Opportunities

http://www.nyc.gov/portal/site/nycgov/menuitem.fe96d343eb32cce6a62fa24601c789a0

http://www.bigsnyc.org/index.php

http://www.mentoringusa.org/

http://www.imentor.org/

The Hawk and The Hummingbird

Reading Time - Estimated Slightly More Than Two Minutes, But Worth It

Smile Factor - We Are Not Talking Turkey Here

Biz Take Away - The Importance of Knowing Your Business Style

Sitting in the sun room of my country home nestled deep in the woods I enjoy the quiet solitude that my weekly urban daze never allows. My bare feet propped up on the chair next to me as I sip my afternoon iced-tea, I gaze out the South facing row of windows. Suddenly coming into focus, I see a little hummingbird hovering gracefully over one of the tall flowers in our garden. Barely breathing – as if any noise from me would seep through the windows and walls to the great outdoors and scare this graceful hummingbird away, I am amazed by this delicate beauty fluttering its wings so fast while it maintains such an elegant poise.

I sigh with delight. I blink. It is gone.

Back to work, I continue what I call my “country-mode efficiency” and hum happily as I continue clearing out my inbox. In my peripheral a sudden dark shadow interrupts my flow. I look up just as a hawk lands outside of the same set of windows; the bulk of brown and gray feathers seem to threaten the frail wooden fence as it sways under the weight of the aggressive landing. This time I am more brave and get up for a closer look, when suddenly the hawk jerks its head my way, extends its neck as if peering through the window, jabs its beak in the air towards me, hunches its back, lifts its wings, seems to almost fall and then it lifts off.

Both part of the bird family, I ponder the deep contrast that makes them so stunningly different. While the hawk can spot its prey from 100 feet away, it can’t fly backwards or sideways like a hummingbird, which beats its tiny wings 80 times a second and has an obsession for sweet sugar over the more savory culinary appetite of its larger feathered cousin.

My visual experience really prompted me to think about human individuality and how it relates to business success.  Human beings, like birds are unique in their individuality and talents. Some are light and airy and others are strong and aggressive.  

I thought back to when I first started my own business and was hanging out with other business “birds.” I got lots of advice. I was told things like “be more aggressive” or “you should charge more” or “while I respect you are focused solely on non-profits, you should change your business plan to be more diverse,” and so on. As the endless stream of advice came my way, frustration took over and frankly I got my “feathers in a bunch.”

There was a moment when I had to face the mirror and take a good hard look at what my business personality was and work towards being the best I could be.  What type of bird was I? You simply can’t be a hawk if you’re not. Imagine the hummingbird trying to go after a mouse? Or funnier yet, imagine a hawk trying to delicately hover above a flower and sip its nectar. It just would not work.

Business is sure to struggle if you try to be a bird that you are not.

IT HAPPENED TO ME

I remember one of my business counterparts had been trying to get me involved in several projects. She was a real mover and was spending a lot of time going after new business. While I was open to the prospect of new business and tried to keep up with her, I just felt uncomfortable.

I questioned myself. Was I not committed? Was I not interested in volumes of new business? It was then that I realized that my business style was simply not of an aggressive sales person. Instead I learned I am more of a luxury brand builder; taking on projects I care about, working with my clients long-term to ensure that the best outcome is sustained over time. The hustle and bustle technique was (and is) not for me.

So how do you know what your business style is? How do you know what type of bird you are?

3 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT . . .

****
1) KNOW WHO YOU ARE. WHAT IS YOUR BIZ-ONALITY?

You may be an introvert or an extrovert, assertive or passive, someone who works well in groups or not. Know who you are. Take time to understand the strengths and weaknesses of your leadership style. This will not only help you with your clients, but help you in building your support team; ensuring you surround yourself with complimentary styles that will help you build strong.

TRY THIS TEST

Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) will help you better understand your personality. Test is approx. 70 questions that help identify you as one of four types:

·         Extroversion/Introversion (do you need external contact to recharge, or time alone?)

·         Intuition/Sensing (do you trust more in own feelings or in external observations?)

·         Thinking/Feeling (is the dominant force relied upon to make decisions?)

·         Judgment/Perception (do you need to organize life or let the chips fall as they may?)

TAKE THE TEST: http://www.myersbriggsreports.com/

****

2) IT'S ABOUT PEOPLE! REFINEMENT COMES THROUGH INTERACTION.

Just as important as understanding yourself is knowing your audience. Are you being conscious of others’ personality styles and how your own interacts with theirs; good or bad? Do you try to be aware of different personality types in your day-to-day life? Has knowing someone’s personality type ever helped you in your work, or has the converse ever happened – not being able to understand another’s personality style negatively impacted your business?

How can you improve your communication with others? How can you refine your business style through improving your interactions with others?

TRY THIS CLASS

Got $40 to invest? Try “The Seeing Lab” by Life Labs New York. This is a course that will help you learn how to detect and read micro-expressions, small contractions of the facial muscles that last only tenths of a second, but give a window into what someone is feeling.

Listen. Watch. Observe the things people are doing. Improve your people skills.

CHECK OUT LIFE LABS NEW YORK: http://lifelabsnewyork.com/seeing_lab.html

****
3) PUTTING IT TOGETHER

Knowing your own style and learning how to better understand others is an on-going process. The efforts will be sure to help you become more flexible in dealing with others, resolve conflicts, and improve communication with everyone.

PONDER THIS
For those of you who know me, I love quotes. . so I leave you with this.

“Whereas the average individuals often have not the slightest idea of what they are, of what they want, of what their own opinions are, self-actualizing individuals have superior awareness of their own impulses, desires, opinions, and subjective reactions in general.” – Abraham Maslow

****
A VISUAL BONUS
And. . if you are a bird lover like me, check this out. . .
http://www.hawksandhummingbirds.com/

Penned by Liz Glover Wilson